Tag Archive: gratitude


10 years ago…

Today’s my father’s 10th death anniversary. And a lot has changed in the last decade. Strangely, I can see how it has made me a more positive and aware person. It has made me grateful and responsible.

His death was the biggest eye-opener for me. It happened as suddenly as it could be. He was preparing to go to his studio(he was a painter and commercial artist) and I was going to the movies. The film had barely begun and I got a call from mum saying that dad wasn’t feeling well and so I rushed back home to find that he was gone. He was there in the morning and then two hours later he wasn’t. I was 22 at that time. But by the next day itself I had become much much older. Wrapping up his studio was one of the most tedious tasks! Telling clients that he was dead, taking stock of his gazillion and half books, his instruments, drawing boards, giving away his staff’s salaries and asking them to find other jobs etc. I did all that. It’s sort of unbelievable when I look back upon it exactly a decade later.

My relationship with my father had always been strained ever since I became a teenager. My rebellious ways were too much for him to understand especially when I decided to be a full-time musician and not join an art school like he did. I grew increasingly distant from him through my growing years also because he perceived playing guitar as a waste of time. Till the time of his death, we only had a very functional relationship remaining. But his death still left a gaping hole in my life especially when I looked at my other friends with fathers and saw how protected they were. But that’s that.

What I learnt from it is more important.

  1. I understood once and for all the meaning of ‘not taking anyone’s presence for granted’. I don’t mean it in the negative sense but life is in fact quite unstable. I learned to cherish people and give them my best.
  2. My belief in the potential for change has been reinforced. My mum underwent a radical change after Dad went away. She has made herself into an absolutely amazing being who is now a pillar of support for many other people around her. She is open-minded, supportive, empathetic and far more evolved than ANYONE else I have ever met in my life.
  3. I became responsible. For everything. It used to get really tiring before! But now I understand the power behind taking responsibility for my own life. There’s no one to blame, make excuses for. I became my own best friend. I learned the ways of the world on my own. My father wasn’t around to teach me concepts of career, finances, wealth etc. All those concepts are my own today. And I am proud of it. So, I actually started earning very late in life. But I am enjoying experimenting with financial beliefs.
  4. I learned to figure out people’s intentions very early on. Right now at this stage in life, I believe that there’s no point expecting anything from anyone else but my own self. I say this with no bitterness! It’s a liberating thought. When things go awry, as they will, you have to stick by yourself. I have met a lot of people and interacted with them very closely and I have learned something invaluable that will help me to deal with life’s blows and tickles, effectively. I got exposed to disappointments so many in number and so fast that now the only person I truly depend on is me. It’s better to have this experiential understanding at my age than at 50!
  5. I became independent. I moved out of home couple of years back and I have been managing my life amazingly well! I would’ve never known if I could do that had I been sheltered from life by my parents. And I am independent and HOW! I do everything on my own. You know, the earning, spending, paying bills, buying stuff, repairing things, making music, traveling, cooking, looking after my health, visit a doctor if I fall sick, plan my career, plan my life, dream, go after the dream, invest money, secure my future…EVERYTHING. So in effect, I am my own father! Yeah sure. It gets tiring sometimes. But only sometimes. Otherwise I am busy enjoying knowing that I have balls of f*&#ing steel!! Yeaaaaahhhh!!

I decided to write this today because I wanted to know that there’s a lesson to learned and gratitude to be felt from everything. Even from death of a parent.

I would like to thank every person who stood by me throughout this amazing adventure over the last decade and made it possible to come through to this other side, wiser.

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Mind the mind

 

It has been a wonderful month full of epiphanies! Here’s one more:

I had heard a talk once by Abraham Hicks about how a man wanted to win some gazillion dollars in lottery and he was asking how he could apply the Law of attraction to bring about that situation. So Abraham asked him to describe what he would do after winning all that money. If I am not mistaken, he wanted to win something like 10 million dollars. So he started describing all that he would do after winning 10 million dollars. But his wish-list didn’t even extend beyond 1 million dollars. That’s when Abraham said that his mind was not even ready to receive those 10 million dollars since he couldn’t imagine what he would do with those dollars. And hence it’s mighty difficult to believe with thought and emotion what the mind can’t conjure.

And I now know that to be true not just about money but about every aspect of life. The mind needs to stretch FIRST in order to attract things  into reality. It’s in fact not even just about getting a lot of money, or the most perfect relationship or the most gratifying career. I know of people who have over-flowing bank accounts full of wealth but they’re not attempting even half the things that I do even with my not-so-overwhelming income! But I am learning from and observing people who do a lot more with their money to grow themselves, to acquire skills, travel etc. In other words, I am stretching my mind so that when I become my idea of “wealthy”, I’ll know what to do with my wealth apart from eating, drinking, partying, shopping and other such mundane things. So I decided to put a different spin on “why am I not a millionaire yet?????” thought. I am instead grateful because honestly, this is exactly how I would want it to be.

I think it’s a similar thing with romantic relationships. At one point in time, attracting money was a huge challenge in my life. It’s not anymore. I am not averse to or afraid of wealth anymore. I know I am going to be wealthy. I am on the way. Now my next “challenge” is relationships. I have learnt so much from the ones that I’ve had that now I feel better knowing what I don’t want. I haven’t felt more clear about this EVER before. I now know my worth and I know what makes me special. Secretly in the recesses of my own heart I have finally admitted to myself that I am a brilliant musician with a very subtle yet sharp understanding between different streams of music. This is not arrogance. It’s just knowing something undeniable. And knowing it makes me feel great and grateful. Hence, I will be unable to walk into something through the pet door. I don’t care if it takes long, because I know that I am worth the wait. If you’ve noticed, I am talking about the importance of self-worth more than romantic relationships. But that’s the whole point. A healthy self-image is indispensable to a gratifying relationship with another human being. Personally, I feel good about myself because I take responsibility, I introspect and make changes and I am a giver…that’s how I am made and I think it’s a very desirable quality. Make a list of things that you like about your romantic personality and see your belief rise. I can’t predict when the “person of my dreams” is going to come wafting through the clouds. But I am preparing myself anyway. And the preparation feels awesome! Again I am stretching my mind into believing that I am worth it, I deserve love and respect, I deserve a long-term, fun relationship with someone who will love and adore me openly as much as I’ll love them…if not more.

It’s all in the mind. All of it. Events are just events. They become consequences only depending upon our perception of them.

Focus on what makes you happy. Anything. It doesn’t matter what you’re focusing on. Try it again and again. Because THAT is totally worth the effort.

I will be honest, I haven’t exercised today. I am writing this too with the last bit of my willpower! So let’s write good things about day 8 tomorrow. Great! So we all agree 😛
The silver lining to my unbelievable fatigue is that I spent my day and energy doing what absolutely love…which is playing guitar and performing before people! And I am gainfully self-employed doing that. How grateful am I!
So there we have it : I didn’t exercise because I was busy doing what I absolutely love doing. Guilt turned into Gratitude. Mission accomplished.
Off to bed to enjoy my well-earned sleep 🙂

2012 Goal-list!

A resolution is meant to be broken. A Goal-list can only get better!
So here it is( with explanations!):

  1. 8 hours of quality sleep; without it we are just a bunch of idiots. Sorry, TALKING idiots!
  2. Being happy; Let’s admit, this is going to require fair deal of work. At least it will be worth its while
  3. Quadrupling my income;  will it make me feel good about myself? Hell, yeah! If you’re one of those who believe ‘money is not everything’, read THIS
  4. Make one interesting friend every month. I frequently stop talking to people on grounds of stupidity. That’s pretty self-explanatory.
  5. Travel. Because I love to do that in my head. It’ll be better in the body.
  6. Yes yes, EXERCISE. I was coming to that! 6-pack abs, so that I’ll be taken seriously.
  7. Talk less, read more. I think I have found what I like to read. They’re called ‘self-help’ books and I don’t feel ashamed to read them.
  8. Listen more. Not to people! They don’t have anything much to say. Listen more to Music
  9. Meditate daily. That’s somehow helped me to not act out on mental visions of pinning people to the wall and slapping them repeatedly.
  10. Maintaining a ‘gratitude-list’. Heard of ‘count your blessings’? That.

So, there. I know I am nasty, but I am very positive! I sincerely wish that you get laid, have terrific orgasms, find love, earn truck-loads of money, realize that you are AWESOME and have exciting stories to tell the next generations! Woooohooo!!!