Archive for February, 2013

Heterophobia, anyone?

People love theories. Many of us have a theory about practically everything under the Sun. People love to discuss the ‘whys’ and the cause and effect of things. People even have theories about other people. And of course, there is everyone’s favourite theory of Homosexuality. Everyone you meet will have a theory about it. Biological? Mental? Psychological? Pre-natal? Pre-birth? Situational? Blah? Blah blah? Blah blah blah?

It’s the most interesting when self-proclaimed straight people spring theories about homosexuality! Heck, even homosexuals have a theory on homosexuals.

Today I am postulating a theory about heterosexuality. Why? Because I can. That’s why.

I think we are all born gay. ALL of us. And that our tendency at birth is to be homosexual. But because our societal structure is so warped, we’re not given any sort of choice when we grow up because we are apparently sperm and egg producing machines and our primary goal in life is to procreate and populate this planet with healthy off spring since our species is dwindling rapidly. And keeping this end goal in mind, society lends heterosexual couples its stamp of approval and scowls at ANYTHING otherwise. That’s not very wise I think.

Also there are then several benefits of conformity that this society bestows upon the sperm-egg alliance. One of them is that without having to do any real achievement in life too, society looks admiringly at the newly Spermegged( see what I did there?) ones. It earns them an unsaid respect. Have you met ANYONE who shuffled around awkwardly wondering what the hell to say when they were told by this newly Spermegged person? No! The reaction is always, “Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” And always exaggerated too. Another GREAT benefit of being a part of a majority of the crowd in society is that there can always be dinner table conversation starters. Spouses, honeymoons, kids(of course), future, kids’ future, insurance, goals, marital bliss(of course. That’s compulsory) etc. Now if you’re a heterosexual who’s looking to get married, or a closet homosexual who wants to be in the closet but only exposes flailing arms at appropriate junctures indicating a wish to be married, that ALSO earns you a lot of respect in society. Society bemoans the dearth of suitable matches for these wonderful and fertile human beings. This is all very serious business. Apparently.

In this business of  exaggerated extremes of emotions of congratulating and bemoaning heterosexuals, where’s the space for asking, “What if I don’t want to be spermegged?” There isn’t.

Now give me ONE reason why I should not feel heterophobic!!

So if homosexuals are time and again accused of being homosexual by choice not birth, I accuse heterosexuals of being straight WITHOUT even a choice. Read it again if it’s confusing.

The next time someone asks you, “When did you figure that you were gay?”, I encourage you to ask them, “When did you figure that you were straight?”.  If you meet a bigot who throws “it’s unnatural” at you, talk to them about anal or BJs. When they tell you, “of course it was going to get over. Why did you go after someone whom you knew was straight?”, tell them “at least I have an excuse of being gay and so it didn’t work out. What’s yours?” Ha! You see? It can be a lot of fun.

To summarize my theory, ALL of us are born gay. We just BECOME straight out of no choice.

I am currently relishing the silence and peace that has been brought by breaking up with social media. It left my brain buzzing after a long day on Twitter; and by ‘buzzing’, I literally felt that it was buzzing. Going away from Facebook and Twitter has been the best decision of this year so far!

Even more so because I am a huge fan of the Law of attraction and in turn of Personal development or self-improvement. I like to see myself as a deliberate creator of all my experiences-good and bad. And the last one and half year has shown me some great results in my career, interpersonal relationships and finances. I have come from having practically NO money to having more money than I can spend. But now I want more. I want to do much more. What was once out of my reach, is already my comfort zone now. And now begins one more round of thinking about what I really want, how much I want, what will I do once I get it etc.

And that’s the Work! Unless I sift through life-options, I won’t know what I really really really want. For this work to happen, a certain degree of quietude is required. It’s trickier than one would imagine. I know more people who have no frickin’ clue of what they really want(because they don’t see HOW they’ll get it) than the ones who know and are going after it. In fact come to think of it, I know only one such person who is deliberately living happily. And she’s one of the wisest people that I know.


So this quietude is IMPOSSIBLE with facebook and its other evil twin chipping away at precious mental resources. I also think that too much online presence robs one of emotional responsiveness. At least, that’s what happened to me! I am a musician and composer and emotions are my friends. Dark emotions are my muses. Because of my brain being re-wired to constantly liking or tweeting something, I was hardly ever present in my own life! It seemed impossible to sit down for a couple of hours and finish composing a piece. Firstly, there wasn’t any place in my brain from all that buzzing, for a thought to come and settle down. Secondly, I didn’t have the headspace to give thought to that settled thought. Thirdly, I didn’t want to go through the painful process of seeing the song built till its last chord; tweeting was easier! Everything on social media is so transient. One can’t get attached to any thought/event for longer than 10 seconds. And it was very damaging to the musician’s spirit inside me. I need to be attached to my song. I need to be attached to( at least in that moment) the person that I am holding in my heart as I write the song. Then I have to use my craft, which is chords, rhythm, melody, scales etc and rehearse and repeat the song a hundred times microscopically hovering over every little detail to see if it matches the feeling I want to evoke. It’s an emotionally taxing process. Ask any songwriter worth his salt and he’ll tell you.

Honestly, inspiration to write songs has not struck me yet, but I know that this is a great step in the right direction. I am practising guitar everyday; back to the basics and I know that that’s where all my joy and motivation lies.

If any of you have been thinking of going off Facebook, please do it. It will feel odd at first, but trust me, you’ll be relieved to be out of the black hole!