Archive for October, 2011

Painful Evolution

Growth is painful. Ask children who are teething or someone who’s trying to grow a pair. Just to make it clear, I am in neither of these stages. But I know that I am growing. There’s this larger part of me who already has become that which I aspire to be. The pain is from knowing that I am not up to speed with that!
In fact it’s not just growth. Evolution it is.
Self-reliant only. Letting other people be. Allowing myself and others in the immediate surrounding to be as they want to be. Asking myself to let go of the impossible task of keeping people happy. Well this doesn’t sound so ambitious. But being a center of unconditional love and allowing the world to be as it is, is the goal.
In theory we all KNOW that it’s not possible and even warranted to control someone else’s behaviour in a way that should make us happy. It’s truly not their job! Keeping oneself happy and high is an inside job. And really it’s time we realize that whatever situations we have in our lives, especially the ones that we complain about, are drawn to us because on some level we have elicited them. We have expected them to occur. And recur. It’s a work in progress for me as of now.
I have been listening to a lot of fabulous new knowledge lately and it has made me more and more aware of how I feel. It has begun dawning on me that the way I feel is EVERYTHING. If I am thinking about something that doesn’t feel good, it is absolutely my responsibility to CHOOSE thoughts that do feel good and then finally let go of the futile exercise of having to control the world to make me happy. And logic begs for the intelligent choice of turning our own thoughts little by little, step by step towards something that at least feels “less bad”. “Less bad” is less bad than “terribly bad”. So it has got better already! I think this is exactly what the wise ones have been proclaiming when they say “take 100% responsibility” for your life.
It’s not easy. But who’s to blame? They never said it would be easy! Then again given a choice between the familiar, comfortable toilet seat and a throne which requires an uphill climb, which one would I choose? Most definitely the throne! And who knows, the journey to the throne might be even more exciting than the throne itself!

Gone too soon

There are people in my life I know
Of some I have managed to let go
But some linger on in blood and sinew
Ever crisp like the morning dew

Time is the best healer they say
And all the memories will turn gray
I don’t know if it’s a bane or a boon?
What we had is gone too soon